i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize