apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
