i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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