im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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