I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
