did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
