so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
