He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im six kinds of drunk right now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
