Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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