I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
