I'm jealous of your bromance
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
