Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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