Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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