I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
