there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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