I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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