We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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