Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
