why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
