I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
