Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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