Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
