Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
