It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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