they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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