I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
