I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
