Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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