When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
