and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize