I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
