btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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