im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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