Pants 0. Shit 1.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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