im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
