I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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