Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
