I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
