he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
