Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
