I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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