I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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