Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
