none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize