the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
