Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
