My room smells like vodka and shame
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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