i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I need a beard to bite.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize