after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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