his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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