it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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