this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
