just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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