I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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