I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
