its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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