Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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