In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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