Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize