I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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