i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
