I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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