Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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