i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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