Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
