Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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